some people *ACTUALLY* have this thing called "INTEGRITY". LEARN IT.

i met with ics today and he made sure my application was all sent in to the boston housing authority. i thought i had to verify my priority and preferance.. zen claims all i have to do is wait for my name to come up on the waiting lists i entered myself in. i'm pretty sure he was making sure my doctor sent in my letter saying i was disabled and i need accomodations in the apartment to make things easier for me. i just hope he's not telling me that we don't need to do anything else when there IS something they're asking me to do and my name gets dropped off the list. he said the last letter i got from them was just telling me i was the last priority of the waiting list because i'm not a citizen of the state. a person has to start somewhere i suppose. zen said my name should come up within about 2 years. that's better than what i was told the length of time it'd take to get housing in new york when i actually had a consultant assisting me hired by wells fargo when my money was with them at first. so in the meantime, i'm gonna work on building my work experience, so i have a useful resume to help me get employed when i finally get to boston, so it's not too difficult to find a job seeing as i'm not entitled enough to have parents who are actually employed and own apartments- so all i have to do is depend on social security unlike other neglectful parents. i also am aware that i NEED to ACTUALLY be CONSTRUCTIVE and busy or my mind tends to wander and i get myself into trouble. so the WISEST and most LOGICAL thing to do would be to work on building my resume with work experience, NOT for the convenience of neglectful uncaring selfish relatives who just want to LOOK like they actually care by underestimating me and carelessly keeping me within their comfort bubbles at their convenience. who's life is this anyway? MINE. just because my mom feels satisfied living below the cost of living and letting everyone do everything for her- does NOT make me the same. go fuckin bother one of her other kids with that assumption if you wanna feel like that makes you appear "caring". i'm aware that i'm more capable than living depending SOLELY on social security, throwing all my goals away for everyone else's CONVENIENCE. just go away if you think you can force me to lower my capability and ability just for the convenience of people who really DON'T give a shit about me. don't even attempt to look like you "care" about me if you're gonna underestimate my capability and abilities, not even if it makes your ego look better in front of your damn in-laws. you're not using me to make yourself look better. i'm sick of this false sense of "caring" i get from family members only for the reason that it's better than nothing! fuck that. don't even "care" about me if you're gonna underestimate my abilities and capabilities just so it's CONVENIENT for YOU because this is MY life. not yours. not my uncaring pretend-to-be-handicap-so-people-feel-sorry-for-me mom's. MINE. i'm NOT stupid enough to believe you actually care about me- so cut the shit. IF you ACTUALLY did- you'd be working with ME to see how I am GENUINELY HAPPY. if i was just laying down, not working- i KNOW from EXPERIENCE that people would be bitchin about it too. that shit is too fuckin boring and i know i'm more capable than that. another reason why i'm moving from this particular state- because amanda assumes she won't have to care about me or do anything for me if i'm in the same state as her, attending some overrated pathetic excuse of a "rehabilitation center", and LIVING OFF SOCIAL SECURITY BECAUSE SHE THINKS I'M STUPID ENOUGH TO THINK THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY'S AT! yeah! hotdog! living on a certain BELOW living wage and on benefits, while basically having an allowance of how much i CAN and can't spend money like a fucking kid getting paid for doing chores by their mom and dads! MY DREAM COME TRUE! I BUSTED MY ASS IN SCHOOL AND GOT A'S, WHILE ALSO PARTICIPATING IN SPORTS, THEN WENT ONTO A FEW DIFFERENT COLLEGES JUST TO DEPEND ON SOCIAL SECURITY! THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE! *rolls eyes* shut up. the reason why i say amanda lacks EMPATHY because i KNOW she wouldn't want the same thing for herself or even her kids if the shoe was on the other foot. ha.. what am i thinking? empathy requires intelligence.. something she can't even vote for- so this figures. my grandma got me excited for nothing. my grandma was so NAIVE.. just like amanda.. must run in the family. the job coach who will be attending my interview with me tomorrow called me about an hour ago and she asked me how i found the job, i told her that i found it on indeed and some lady called me about scheduling an interview yesterday and i scheduled it for thursday because i was busy on friday and today. the job coach said to me surprised, "WOW! WHERE DID YOU SAY YOU FOUND THIS JOB?!" then i said, "indeed." then she said, "i'm surprised because all my other clients just wait for ME to find the jobs and get them interviews but you actually did that all yourself!" so i guess "naive" wouldn't be a good descriptive word for ME.. well- not judging by my persistence and actual desire to get my ass up and work. another reason why i don't think i'm living in the correct environment (this particular state) to really thrive and make myself TRULY CONSTRUCTIVE. i got asshole relatives underestimating me here for their own fuckin convenience- guess what dicks? BEING UNEMPLOYED KILLS MY MENTAL HEALTH. if you were as damn smart as you try to make yourself out to be amanda- YOU'D RECOGNIZE THAT BY THE TONES OF MY BLOG POSTS. you're lucky that i take my frustration out just blogging.. if i didn't have a blog or anywhere else to write this shit in- i'd probably be in a casket in a grave right now. my previous care coordinator used to say i was "all talk, no action." i was thinking.. she probably said that SAME thing to her son who ended up committing suicide. don't underestimate people with brain injuries.. we mean what we say. IF you REALLY cared- YOU'D REALIZE THIS AND ACTUALLY *SUPPORT* ME THE WAY I WANT. i suppose that doesn't matter to you seeing as you could care LESS about ME.
oh! i see i also have a phone interview with an insurance company tomorrow morning. i'm not sure if they'll want an in-person interview to decide to hire me? because i'm at the "in-person" interview with a hotel tomorrow afternoon. i'm pretty sure that's the last stage to hiring but i'm trying to keep my options open.